"Hi, I'm Evil!"

Charles Dickens himself might have named one of his characters "Tony Snow" - as the "front" for a deceptive, secretive and dishonest endeavor, such as being press secretary for the Bush Administration. After all, the man who created characters with comically apropos names such as Mrs. Leo Hunter, Mr. Nupkins, Dodson and Fog, Gradgrind, M'Choakumchild, Bounderby would have appreciated a spokesman whose very name evokes cold white haze. Indeed, Merriam-Webster offers only this for "snow job:"

Main Entry: snow job

Function: noun

: an intensive effort at persuasion or deception

But, then again, Republicans have always promoted leaderhip with appropriate-enough names. I still miss having their House leader actually be called "Dick Armey." I mean, to paraphrase the late, great Joseph Brodsky, so rarely does evil cross your threshold and announce, "Hi, I'm evil!"

Where did Newt Gingrich spring from to kick people off welfare but the pages of Dr. Suess? Where did that exterminator cum legislative hitman named DeLay crawl from but the purple prose of a bad western dime novel? My Microsoft Word spell check suggests "scalier" when I type the name Scalia! Do we really have a vice president and president named Dick and Bush?

I tell you: the dark overlords of Republican politics and power have a downright Dickensian sense of humor. Tony Snow fits right in!

So, Tony, Snowman!, dude, settle in to your new office, make sure to get all those IRS forms signed and turned back into the personnel office, and make sure that the briefing room microphone is set at the correct height and adjusted perfectly to the level of your speaking voice, because we want the press corps, the American people and the whole world to be able to hear you well when you introduce yourself.